Category: Writers Block
it's not written greatly, and it was an idea i had in a moment of extreme lack of sleep, so it can be a bit messed up.
and i was so shy to post it, i had to fight with myself to death. :D
it starts with the next post
while haunted reverie was peacefully chilling in her room, an angel appeared in front of her and told her, you'll have a child, it will be a male, and...
but, she cut him off, andy and i want 14 children, not only one!
well, the angel said, i've been sent to tell you this, all i have to do is leave a message, and to be completely honest i don't care how many children you and your andy will have. anyway as i was saying, you'll have a male child and will call him cinnamon. which in my opinion is the worst name a mother could ever give to her son, but...
you're just here to give a message, i like that name, shut up and go away!
and so the angel got offended and disappeared, but before leaving he cursed cala's future generation saying: you'll have the 14 kids that you want, and they'll all be called cinnamon from 0 to 13, but on the day of their 15th birthday they'll join the zone bbs and will have no life and become zone addicts!
and with this, the angel was gone.
queen tremaine the first was a really evil person. so evil that she had satan's full approvation, he even gave her permission to use his hands to do anything she... uh. i mean satan had 2 servants, 2 damned souls that were so faithful to him that he called them his right and left hand, and queen tremaine had permission to call them to her services any time she felt it was needed.
as for the rumour that there was more between her and satan than simply sharing servants, we'll stay out of that one and go on with our story.
having known from satan's hands that cala was going to have that baby, well to be more specific she knew it from satan's right hand because the left hand was very shy and kept shaking and had an argument with the right hand on who should tell her, that ended with right hand's defeat and his famous quote:
i hope your cat leaves something nasty and slimy on your bed that will scare you to death and you'll have to get rid of it.
but anyway, where were we... oh right. having found out of the baby that was coming, queen tremaine sent satan's hands to kill all the male new born children of the kingdom...
so the night of december 24, another angel appeared to cala and andy and caught them in a moment...
of deep peaceful sleep, and woke them up and said.
i am farrah the zone angel, or the zone whore depending on how i feel, but anyway, you two get your fat asses... i mean you need to leave this place, because your baby is in danger.
so the couple decided to leave immediately, maybe fearing that their children could have been cursed again.
during their travel, they found a house with a sign that said if you want a baby, this is the perfect place for you. thinking that they found the right place where cala could give birth to her baby, they knocked at the door and almost immediately it opened, and in front of the couple there was a boy who could have been about 20 years old but was wearing only a diaper and was drinking from a baby bottle.
I'm fsu123, the boy said, is there anything i can do for you?
when the couple explained that cala was about to have a baby, he asked andy: is your girl 19 or 21?
when he answered kno, the boy screamed: i am the only baby here! and accept only girls who are 19 or 21! and he slammed the door leaving them out.
they kept walking, and finally found another door with a sign that said: vanja's special services.
thinking that one of these services could be an obstetric to help cala giving birth to her baby, they knocked the door.
the man who opened the door was a handsome sexy guy... well he likes to think so. all we will say is that he was completely drunk.
i am vanja, he said, and if you need anything, just ask the green wankers.
but befoe they even had a chance to ask who were these green wankers, vanja started pissing on the floor thinking he was at the toilet. not wanting to see anymore, the couple ran away unnoticed by vanja who was too drunk to run after them anyway.
when they were too tired to go on and thought all hope was gone... there was hope instead, who seeing that cala was about to have a baby and some how knowing that andy and her weren't married yet, started yelling at them what a disgrace to god they were. and not only that, but i'll skip the rest.
after this not so pleasant encounter, when they were really too tired to go on, they finally found a stall.
here, said cala. i think we'll have to do everything here.
this is definitely better than the places where we have been, said andy.
so, as unconfortable and cold that stall was, not to mention a cow and a donkey's fortunately fruitless efforts to have their way with andy since cala was busy giving birth to her child, that's the place were at midnight of december 25, little cinnamon was born.
the three wise men, welshness, tig and raajan who really were anything but wise, knowing that a baby was born in a stall decided to bring gold frankense and myrrh.
the three wise not wise men, though, were a bit slow and lost their way to the place where the baby was born. but suddenly they heard a low groowl right behind them.
at first the three men didn't understand (nothing new with that). but then a voice in their heads said: i'm the angry dog, the star that will guide you, as my name says. eh, looks like i have to spend all my life guiding damned blindies... move your fat ass or the baby will be already a grand father by the time we get there.
so with the help of stella the angry dog, the three not wise men finally got to the place where the baby was born.
as for satan's hands who went to kill all the male children of the kingdom after queen tremaine promised them that they would be paid twice the usual payment and that they would have a day off every week, they did their best but found only girls, so they were punished by becoming satan's right handed wanker and left handed ass wiper. not to mention the services they had to give to queen tremaine...
and this is the end of the story. if it offended anyone i'm sorry, well not really, it was just a bit of fun. take it easy, and merry fuckin christmas, zoners!
sweet angel of mine! ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! damn! lmfao! kiss, good job! good job! love you!
Hahaha I like it.
Lory I love you, You made me smile on christmas day, no mean feat. Thank you, I love it.
Italianness, that! was! fucking! hilarious! Seconded what kev said. well done. roflroflrofl
Yes, just sitting here laughing my fucking arse off! excellent work!
Love it Lory! You are just too cute. And just think, when you were asking me all those Bible questions yesterday I had no idea how they would be incorporated into such an interesting work of creative writing. Hugs girl and merry Christmas!
Lori, you rock!
Creative, unique, fresh and a sure sign that you are totally ausumn.
Keep it up, Lory.
my dear lorry, great ,simply great, you made me laugh, which very few people have the that tallent make others laugh.keep it up.take care.
awww thanks guys you're sweet. smiles
lorri that was good thank you for making me smile.
Ciao, lory darling, good job! good job! apolod you 100%... xx.. Ti vogliomo bene! xxx! huggles
I don't know how the hell I missed this, but great work! Very creative and a great story to boot.
Okay, I'll give you what little cc I can manage.
Okay, I spotted spelling and grammar mistakes everywhere. I suggest fixing that. I also suggest not speaking to the audience, just tell the story, and ignore the people. Yeah, um, at one point the aunt almost seemed like a mary sue. Yeah, and you have an impossible plot.
Only read three fourths of it before I stopped with shivers running down my spine.
Revise it, and edit, edit, edit. That'll do. I once wrote like you.
Well, best of luck...
Your sentence structure isn't exactly proper either. Um and yeah would be marked as slang, particularly at the beginning of your sentences and the first sentence is missing a subject. who only read three fourths of the work? furthermore, she did write that this was a draught (or draft if you prefer) and needed editing. wAs for the believability of the plot, this was clearly meant as a commedy and satire of the Zone and the story of Christ. So the unbelievable is inevidable. Finally, that's a really nice way to build someone's confidence. I'm sure she really wants to post another piece of work after reading this. So I'd suggest that you edit your own diction and grammar and that you learn the proper use of constructive criticism. The problem lies not in what you said, but rather, in how you said it.
well, as for my grammar and spelling, english is not my language, and i can assure you i spell alot better than some people whose first language is english, and chances are this star gazer person doesn't speak my language half as good as i speak english. so i would allow myself to make some grammar and spelling errors, and i'll fix that with time and practice.
and, this kid is new, so she most likely couldn't get what is being talked about in this thing.
and as i said in post 1, it's not written greatly, so i wonder why she was expecting it to be.
and don't worry tiffany, i don't mind negative comments, so i'll post some other nonsense stuff for you to enjoy, whenever i feel inspired. lol
yes indeed, That was ment to be criticism. No, that wasn't flames, and I do not at the slightest yearn to flame. Comedies are fine, however they still need to make sense. I can write comedy as well, but it will have to make some degree of sense.
Well, English is actually my second language too, and sorry, slang is very natural to me. Anyways, foreign or not you still need to improve, and I can always help you on that. I beta, so that wouldn't be a problem at all.
Well, what would that first language be, eh?
*smile* All's well that ends well then. I like when everyone can come to a clearer understanding. Sorry for being a little harsh back there.
well, the lets say... sense of this thing can be seen when you get to know certain zoners better, lol
i'm italian. i see you're chinese instead, you speak english perfect. do you live in the us?
Yes, I do Live in the U.S. and yes, Lol! People think I am American if I don't tell them. Lmao! You live in Italy?
yes i live in italy, and never been in the us or in any english speaking country yet. i knew just a bit of english when i joined here and learned alot talking to people on here. and some people don't realize that english is not my first language until i tell them... and they're all surprised when i ask the meaning of some simple word everyone should know and they think i'm an idiot. lol. living in the us is definitely an advantage.
Lol! Not when you are still using the green card. We are trying to apply for citizenship, though.